Hancock P.I. (2015) by Dan Taylor

Author:Dan Taylor [Taylor, Dan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor & Entertainment, Humor, Comedy, Mystery; Thriller & Suspense, Mystery, Private Investigators
Amazon: B015KTGYJG
Published: 2015-09-17T22:00:00+00:00

24.

MEGAN’S PISSED THE whole drive home. And while we relax in the bedroom awhile before dinner. And while we get dressed. She’s so pissed I fear she may blow our cover; then I figure, if there’s one way a young actress and an aging P.I. can pull off looking like a couple for the weekend, it’s by the female being in a tantrum for most of the time.

This, and the fact that she looks kind of cute when she struts around, makes it bearable…okay, quite enjoyable.

As soon as I’m dressed, I know I’ve made some headway in cooling her down. She takes one look at me, then says, “You look like the keynote speaker at a librarians’ convention.”

I do a twirl for her, and she suppresses laughter.

She says, “It’s difficult to stay mad at you.”

“Then don’t.”

“I want to.”

We go through to the dining room, and Barbara is busy setting the table: getting out the best china, removing cutlery from a velvet-lined display box, removing the foil from several bottles of wine for quick access later. This woman’s a pro.

She notices us, “Hey, kids.”

“Hey, Mom. Where’s dad?”

“He’s doing a final tasting of his sauce, adjusting it accordingly.”

They talked about this famous sauce so often before we went to Sister D’s, it comes as no surprise that its preparation is akin to a scientific experiment.

Barbara turns to me, says, “How are you enjoying Rodeo?”

“It’s a blast.”

She laughs, “Someone’s trying to impress.”

Dinner is roasted pork with duck-fat roasted potatoes and steamed vegetables. The pork takes center table, but next to it is the sauce. And there’s a curious carton of milk. They’ve made a few more inside jokes, and Barbara has insisted a couple times that I “simply must try it.”

It looks ominous.

When the food is dished out, I pour some onto my plate, and the table goes quiet, a few sniggers coming from Barbara and Megan.

Barbara says, “Go ahead.”

I taste it and think, What’s the big Deal?

Until the heat hits.

Suddenly all the inside jokes start making sense. So does the milk carton. I’m dripping with sweat, unable to think, only feel pain.

Charles comes round to me, and slaps me on the back. “You’re a good sport.”

I disagree. Had I known the sauce was distilled chili juice, I would’ve refrained.

“It’s a family practical joke we play from time to time,” Barbara says.

I look to Megan, who I would have pegged as someone who would find this embarrassing, and find she’s laughing, too. Tears are streaming out of her eyes.

Barbara continues, “There’s Pot Douglah chili peppers in it. There some of the hottest in the world.”

I go to reply, but I can only croak.

This fuels the laughter, and don’t I feel the butt of the joke.

Charles pours me a glass of milk, slaps me on the back again, and says, “Welcome to the family.”

Despite their nerdy practical jokes and family sauces and cocktails, I quite like the Books. They’re geeks, for sure, but there’s a warmness to them that I don’t find often in Hollywood.

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